You may need some 'effects' here in editing to show the passage of time i.e. a fade to black or dissolve so I would add those in when there is a time lapse in the boy's day. You also need to change sound: natural to sound: diegetic (that is the media term for sound coming from an on screen source). Mostly clear story structure although not sure where the 'friend' suddenly appears from. Like the heart beat sound effect to add tension.